In times of grief due to the passing of a cherished individual or a loss, it is often a beautiful tradition to send flowers as an expression of sympathy. Flowers serve as a touching symbol of the love and encouragement provided during these desperate times. These floral tributes are frequently showcased at memorial events such as wakes, viewings, funerals, and burial services.

Nowadays, it’s increasingly typical for death notices to suggest contributions be made to a burial fund or a non-profit group “instead of flowers.” “In lieu” is a sophisticated way of stating “instead,” thus these proposals are appealing for the money you would allocate on funeral florals to be rather directed towards a charitable donation.

So, should you choose monetary contribution? Should you opt for sending flowers? Or do both? The older population might resist the notion of dispatching a check in place of flowers, and many workplaces customarily opt to send flowers for a funeral. But what should you do if suggested to contribute to a beloved charity? How do we decide—and should we inform them?

We are addressing the often-asked funeral query: Should I send blossoms or make a memorial contribution?

When to Dispatch Flowers to A Funeral

To clarify, the benevolent gesture of sending blossoms to someone in mourning is considerate and will likely be acknowledged with appreciation. If you have ever sent florals when the notice asked for donations, they won’t resent it. There remain moments when sending flowers to express condolence is fitting.

Send flowers as a memorial offering when:

The relatives have not requested contributions elsewhere
You are conveying condolences on behalf of a group (e.g., a corporation or team)
You are acquainted with the bereaved but not the departed

Enhance the significance of a floral funeral gift by selecting the favorite flower of the deceased (or the bereaved if it’s going directly to them), enclosing a sincere note or collective sympathy card, or selecting a more enduring tribute, such as a potted plant.

Ensure you are mindful of the mourning friend or relative when dispatching funeral flowers, as they might prefer them to be sent to the funeral parlor instead of directly to a family member’s residence. This prevents them from needing to transfer flowers to the venue for the memorial service.

When to Send Contributions Instead of Flowers

As previously mentioned, older generations could be startled by the rising number of funerals requesting contributions—and the diminishing number of flower arrangements being sent. It is neither rude nor inconsiderate. In fact, if the bereaved are asking for donations, it is actually more courteous to provide the requested kind of contribution.

Etiquette authority Emily Post advises:

“Follow the guideline given. You may still dispatch flowers as an extra, but if you wish to send only one gesture of sympathy, adhere to the family’s wishes and choose the contribution.”

So there you have it. If donations are asked for, that’s what you should attempt to provide. But the details are never as simple. What amount should you offer? Should it be sent electronically or through a check in the post? If they prefer you to select a charity, how do you decide? Should they be informed? These are the insights we have gathered.

What sum should I contribute?

The family will appreciate any donation. Never contribute more than your budget allows, and do not feel guilty if you are unable to provide. If you intended to send floral arrangements, at least donate the amount you would have spent on those flowers.

How should I deliver my contribution?

If a specific organization has been suggested by the family for a donation, check the charity’s website for donation details. If the family has initiated a GoFundMe or another collective donation for funeral costs or an education fund for the deceased children, feel free to make your contribution digitally through those means. It’s become standard to use popular peer-to-peer transactions, such as using Venmo or PayPal, for donations. Although this seems intimidating for someone unfamiliar with Venmo, it is quite common, practical, and safe.

We strongly advise against giving the mourning family cash or checks, especially at a funeral service. Although the gesture is kind, the last thing the bereaved family needs is the burden of handling deposits or donation tasks during this period of mourning. Be considerate that your donation doesn’t turn into an obligation.

When should I dispatch my contribution?

Preferably, as soon as possible. Your contribution should undoubtedly be rendered within the week. If some time has elapsed before you were informed or capable of providing your contribution, you may still do so—however, be aware of the family since the period for their capacity and inclination to manage funeral procedures might have elapsed.

How do I decide on my own charity?

If the family has asked for donations to your own preferred charity, you have several methods to achieve this. If you already have a beloved charity you support, provide a contribution to that charity “In Memory of ______.” If you don’t have a consistent charity, consider the deceased and the good they epitomized in the world. Search for a charity that might be meaningful to them, enabling their legacy to endure.

Do I inform the family regarding my contribution?

Absolutely. Though it might feel unusual to announce your contribution, it’s not boasting—it’s a comforting homage. Numerous charities allow you to include the name and address of the bereaving family, ensuring they receive an acknowledgment of the donation in honor of their loved one. If the charity lacks thank-you note services or acknowledgments, sending a sympathy card or note to confirm to the family that a contribution was made in memory of their loved one is appropriate.

The Guideline for Memorial Contributions

We have a straightforward principle for determining how to contribute when someone has passed, regardless of how well you were acquainted with the departed or how close you were to the family.

Adhere to their requests, and contribute in a way that does not add a burden to the family.

For instance, if donations are preferred and you send flowers, consider that they may have to relocate flowers from their residence to the funeral location and then to the burial site, or eventually dispose of them.

The objective of a memorial gift whether donation or flowers is to express your affection, encouragement, and sympathy. It’s not about your appearance to others, nor what you perceive the customary action should be—it’s about those in bereavement. Whether you send flowers or a contribution, the essential factor is that you manifest your concern for the bereaved, in a literal or abstract manner, in their time of need.

As is often the case in life, it’s the sentiment that truly matters. So, reflect upon your loved ones and offer with assurance.

FAQs Regarding Funeral Donation Etiquette

What constitutes an appropriate donation amount for a funeral?

If contributing in lieu of flowers, consider donating what you would have spent on the flowers. Typically, this ranges from $50 to $100. Ultimately, the amount is up to you, as the sentiment is more significant than the actual sum.

How do I make a donation at a funeral?

If the family requests donations instead of flower tributes, they may have specific instructions on how to donate. Ensure to adhere to those guidelines to streamline the process for them. In the absence of specific directions, search for options such as a GoFundMe, a Venmo account, or a donation box.

What etiquette should one follow regarding funeral donations?

When making a donation, include a note stating in whose honor the donation is. For example, write on the notation line, “In memory of…”, and be sure to include your name so the family knows whom to acknowledge with gratitude.

When to Dispatch Flowers to A Funeral